Children tend to be extremely adoptive and great learners. They are innovative and they dare to try. Their whole being seems to be based on one thing only – to try out new stuff. Thus, there is no chock to any parents out there that most children outdo their parents when it comes to using computers – on- and offline.
The interest children (of all ages) put forward sometimes also turns in a bad direction. Children use Facebook and similar services to ditch out negative comments of classmates and friends. Comments like “You look like shit on that picture” may easily be perceived just a negative as a blow in the stomach out in the courtyard.
The question arises – what can we as parents do to avoid this? Three things come to mind:
- Avoid all exposure to the ‘net and computers. Doable? Probably, but will be tough. Smart? Sure, if you want your kids to be left outside. Desirable? Not unless you enjoy sticking your head in the sand.
- Leave the kids do whateva. Doable? Sure, just look the other way. Smart? Sure – just don’t act surprises when the police, child molesters and other visitors knocks on your front door. Desirable? Not if you care.
- Be an active part of the experience. Doable? Might be hard, but absolutely! Smart? Obviously – it will require some investment in time on your part, but you will learn a lot of computers and the ‘net in general, you will learn a lot about your kid(s), and you may be able to share your opinions and common sense. Desirable? Well, if you need ME to answer for you, you may want to review the two other options…
So how can you take active part in the experience? In the workshops I run for parents, I make the parents come up a few simple rules. Usually these rules follow these lines:
- Take active part – by asking questions and being interested. Try to follow the use of technology – even though it seems abstract and difficult. Some possible means:
- weekly/monthly meeting to discuss what is going on
- Contracts – kids love contracts – add some control, and make sure you include incentives!
- Dare to ask questions if you do not understand what is going on. Also involve other parents.
- “Do you know the real names of your friends on MSN?” This question gives you an idea if your kid chats with friends, and may help you determine that “Jon” really is a 45-year old child molester in your neighboring county.
- How do you use “x” (insert Facebook, MSN, MySpace, or whatever you wonder about)? This question may help you understand what is going on, and how these tools are used – in positive and negative ways.
- Do you know if anyone at your school/class/group has received any negative comments/mails/threats? This question may help you determine if harassment is taking place.
- Take control. Make sure you and your kid understand that there are some rules, and that those rules are to be followed.
- Allow for privacy. Make sure your kid (and yourself) realizes that although you need to have a certain control, he/she has rights to privacy. Thus, build a relationship based on trust. (See point 1.b above).
- Encourage your kids to actively use the technology. Even if you do not understand it all (I know I don’t), you may still help your kid get the most of the ‘net by encouraging the use. Learn a few basic rules, like source control (i.e. the higher the number of sources on the ‘net, the higher the likeliness of the accuracy of the information), and that nothing is certain even if it says so on the Internet.
- Be aware of privacy rights, copyright notices and user licenses. Many services are free in monetary terms, but you have to give up some rights (information, use of images etc).
- Not only Gold is glimmering. Particularly true for younger kids – but the ads gets better every day. The point is to teach your kid to be critical, and not click on everything that seems cool/nice/shiny etc. Many security threats are installed simply by a click.
- Keep updated. Make sure that your computer, your software and yourself is updated at regular intervals. Your computer and software have patches – very often automatic updates that you only need to enable. To update yourself, take active part. Spend some time every week to read and study the technology, discuss with other parents and teachers.
- Use the technology – make sure to install and use the security software necessary. Firewalls, Antivirus, Antispam and similar tools are the bare minimum.
- Enjoy! Have fun! This may seem opposite to the other rules – but if you are not having fun, what is the point?
Please contact the author with your comments – and feel free to add your own ideas and rules.
